How To Tell Your Family You’re Eloping – From an elopement photographer who has already eloped!!

So, you’ve made the big decision: you and your partner are eloping! It’s exciting and personal, but now comes the tricky part—telling your family. I know from personal experience that it is not easy news to break; I was met with frustration, hurt feelings and confusion. But don’t worry— having gone through this myself and talked with hundreds of eloping couples, I’ve got your back. Here are a few helpful tips to help you navigate that conversation with love, patience, and confidence.

And from experience it’ll all be ok- ten years later, no one cares, and ultimately, they’re just happy we’re happy!

Tip 1: Drop some subtile hints

You don’t have to surprise them with the news entirely out of nowhere. If eloping is something you’ve been considering, even if you haven’t fully made your decision yet, start dropping little hints ahead of time. Mention how overwhelmed you are during your initial wedding research or how the thought of a big celebration doesn’t feel quite right when you think about what you want for your wedding day. Something like, “I really think a small, intimate ceremony sounds so nice” or “I kind of wish we could just skip all the wedding drama” or ” I just can’t get over how much everything for a wedding costs, I think it would be way smarter to make downpayment on a house!” will plant the seed, so it’s not such a shock when you finally say it out loud.

Tip 2. Pick the Right Moment

First things first—timing is key. Don’t drop a bomb on them during a big family dinner or holiday gathering, we all know this is a recipe for disaster and heated opinoins to be shared. This conversation deserves some space, so make sure the environment is calm and open, maybe its on a relaxed walk with your parents or snuggled up on the couch with some tea. Find a quiet moment when you can talk without any potentially stressful distractions.

Tip 3. Put yourself in their shoes

When you finally sit down to tell them, start with positivity and compassion. Let them know this decision isn’t about excluding anyone or causing drama—it’s about doing what feels right for you as a couple. For example, “We’ve considered all of our options and we have decided to elope! It feels like the best way for us to start this new chapter oin our lives. We want it to be intimate, personal, and all about the two of us.” Emphasize that you understand their feelings and care for them greatly but that you’ve thought about it and really feel that this is the best decision for you.

Tip 4: Share your reasons why

have talked to many couples who have found that sharing their reasons for eloping is very helpful when trying to help their friends and family understand that their choice wasn’t to intentionally exclude them.
-We want to elope in a remote location that is meaningful to us.
-We want to buy a house before we have kids and can’t feasibly afford a large wedding if we want to meet our goals

• We have never been big crowd people
• We want a space where we can fully be comfortable and be our most intimate selves when we read our vows to eachother.
• We actually want to spend time together on our wedding
• We love big weddings but when we think about planning one it peaks our anxiety to much!

Tip 5. Be Ready for the Questions

You know the questions are coming—so be ready for them. You know your friends and family well so try to think about what they may ask and how you would answer them beforehand. Things like, “Why don’t you want us there?” and “Is this really happening?” “Why don’t you want a real wedding?” It’s totally normal for them to have a strong reaction or even be a little disappointed, and it’s okay to give them a moment to process. Try not to take it personally and remember this isn’t a reflection on their feelings about you getting married, they are excited about that! Sometimes people, siblings and parents in particular, need to grieve the dreams they had for your wedding before they can show their excitement. Respond to them calmly, “We want to keep it private and intimate, just the two of us. But don’t worry—we’ll celebrate with you afterward and share all the details with you! and take tons of photos and videos to share!!” This will reassure them that they’re not being completely left out, even if they won’t be physically there on the day.

Tip 6. Prepare for Some Emotions

Be ready for tears, shock, or even anger. When people care emotions can run high, especially with big decisions like this, and it may take them time to process the news. Don’t be surprised if the conversation turns emotional. Give them space to express themselves. If they’re upset, listen and reassure them “I know this isn’t how you imagined it, but I promise this is what’s best for us.”

Tip 7. Acknowledge Their Feelings

You already know this but lets face it, there is a good chance your families initial reaction will be to feel hurt or left out. And that’s okay—they’re just reacting because they CARE. You can acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I understand this might be tough for you to hear. I really do. But this is what feels right for us right now, and we hope you can support us in this.” Validating their emotions while explaining why it’s your decision will go a long way in helping them understand.

Tip 8. Suggest a Celebration Later

It’s important to reassure them that they’re not being excluded altogether. Suggest a post-elopement celebration—something that everyone can enjoy together and encourage them to help you come up with ideas. This gives them something to look forward to and feel a part of and shows you still want them involved in the celebration, even if not in the traditional sense.

Tip 9: Stay Calm and Confident

You’re more than likely going to get some pushback for a variety of reasons, and that’s okay. Remember, this is your story, your wedding day and its not meant to be about anyone but you two. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for making this decision, its important to stick with what feels right for you and your partner and but to also remember to be gentle in how you communicate it. “I understand this is hard to hear. But we feel strongly about this. It’s what feels right for us.” Your confidence in your decision will help them understand why it’s important to you. In my experience and with a lot of couples I’ve spoken to, their family’s reactions were less than thrilled initially, but after some time, they came around and eventually expressed happiness and excitement for us. My mom, who initially was very upset, is now a huge advocate for eloping couples and and will tell anyone who will listen “I don’t know why anyone would do anything other than elope, its smart! Weddings are to over the top these days, you should hire my daughter Paige! Her packages are amazing!!”

In all honesty, telling your family you’re eloping likely won’t be the easiest conversation, but with patience, love and understanding, they’ll eventually come around. It’s a big moment, and emotions can be high, but communicating openly and confidently about your decision will help them understand that this is what’s best for you as a couple. This is your day, and you deserve to celebrate it in a way that feels true to you. So, stay firm, stay loving, and remember that most of these emotions are about how much they love you!

( Unless they’re being unreasonable, selfish and over the top about it, in that case fuck em!)